My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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