Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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