This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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