Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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