Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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