Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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