Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
