Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
how drunk are you?
Several
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
