So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I intend to get homeless drunk
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
