my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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