I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
