you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
