I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
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It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
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is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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