YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
