she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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