I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".