hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
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Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
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So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.