Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.