so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
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I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?