don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?