Texts From Last Night

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  (313): View more from Michigan

  Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.

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  (313): Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra. http://tfl.nu/n0j6
  Replies (5) Good night (2047) Bad night (886)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?

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  (773): Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman? http://tfl.nu/4514
  Replies (28) Good night (2605) Bad night (824)
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  (909): View more from California

  yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face

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  (909): yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face http://tfl.nu/l391
  Replies (13) Good night (5209) Bad night (835)
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I wish i was spraying into your jaw.

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  (952): Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw. (612): I wish i was spraying into your jaw. http://tfl.nu/v3tm
  Replies (12) Good night (3202) Bad night (1065)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.

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  (813): No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want. http://tfl.nu/m7ba
  Replies (26) Good night (3958) Bad night (1006)
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  (979): View more from Texas

  so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.

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  (979): so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together. http://tfl.nu/dxc5
  Replies (15) Good night (4054) Bad night (1131)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you

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  (602): I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you http://tfl.nu/rxgp
  Replies (23) Good night (1624) Bad night (4317)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does

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  (207): I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does http://tfl.nu/xjqc
  Replies (2) Good night (689) Bad night (1758)
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears

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  (218): Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears http://tfl.nu/spts
  Replies (1) Good night (785) Bad night (1137)
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.

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  (831): Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me. http://tfl.nu/beqb
  Replies (6) Good night (675) Bad night (535)
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver

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  (219): i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver http://tfl.nu/fqhq
  Replies (2) Good night (1034) Bad night (471)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  What happened to my knees?

  (1-919): View more from North Carolina

  You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.

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  (919): What happened to my knees? (1-919): You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded. http://tfl.nu/49nz
  Replies (2) Good night (877) Bad night (569)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that

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  (631): My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that http://tfl.nu/insc
  Replies (1) Good night (643) Bad night (370)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.

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  (917): New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward. http://tfl.nu/1xcw
  Replies (3) Good night (898) Bad night (500)
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around

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  (562): Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around http://tfl.nu/8h5l
  Replies (4) Good night (405) Bad night (617)

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