We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.