You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Randomize
