I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...