I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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