My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I have feelings that need drinking.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
