Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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