We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
