id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
