Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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