Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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