No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Randomize
