I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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