He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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