He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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