Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
