I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
