I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
