Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
