Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
