For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
