Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
