Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
