dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
send nudes
from the living room?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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