All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
