He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
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I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
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If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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