You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
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