so that wasnt chicken after all
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
