I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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