Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
