My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I haven't been this sober since birth.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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