Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
