he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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