So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize