Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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