so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
