I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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