Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
