But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
