I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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