I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just pynch a tree in the face
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
