He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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