ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize