Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
