i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
