you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
