He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
