they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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