His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
