Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
